Posts
I had everything planned. This was my last day on earth. I shoved my notebook in my purse, kissed my little sisters forhead and jumped into the van with sam and olan. I was going to church and end my life shortly afterwards.
I sat in my usual spot behind the crowd. My hair covered my face as i stared feircly at the ground. I taught myself how to feel nothing . I completly shut down and learned how to be numb. This became my automatic reaction to complications in life and a day to day coping mechnism. It was my way of hiding.
"i quickly found out that you can't hide from God"
........
My heart raced as forbidden tears ran down my face. i was determined though, i had allready made up my mind!"
" i wouldn't let Him in, I woldnt let anyone in. today was my last day.. This was a feeling i didnt really want to live . ''
The service ended and befre i could make it out of the doubledoors i was tapped on the shoulder and asked to jion the youth for milkshakes. I hestatly agreed and spent the last hour with a melting milkshake in my shaking hands as God deseratly reached his nail scarred hands out to me. It was then that i knew He was real! It was then that i knew someone, somewhere heard my screams !!!!
i put my milkshake down, walked to the youth pastor and for the first time in my life handed my whole heart over to God, ad recieved a gift of life .
i died that night ! but not how i planned ....
'Therefore if any man be in Christ He is a new creation ; old things are passed away; all things become new. 2 cor. 5:17'
I became a new creation
